9 Months TODAY

Today is January 29th, my little darling bird is 9 months old today. It has taken 9 months, for her to sleep well through the night, ENTIRELY through the night on a consistant basis. I'm still in shock that it took this long for both of us to get a good night's sleep. As you can imagine, that's why i haven't blogged in a while. I was pooped! She has now slept for over a week from 8pm-to around 6am, today almost 7! WE had to wake her up today!!

Since my last post, so much has changed. I'm in a lot better place emotionally and have more confidence in myself as a mom. I'm not going to lie to any of you, the first three months scared the b-jesus out of me. I now know that after horemones settle, you adapt. Back then, i didnt' know that, and didn't really understand what i was going through was post-partum depression. I had intense regret the first month. I remember thinking "ctrl + Z" ove rand over (which is the "undo" key in the graphic prgrams. I was severely sleep deprived and sad and couldnt' stop crying even when i was somewhat happy. I felt extrodinarily isolated, trapped, and just plain awful. I was resentful to Aaron becuase he was able to sleep, which made me feel even more alone and sad (as well as me having to sleep on the couch for 2 months). Then there was Colic...holy Lord Colic. The first 3 months,I dont' think i was able to enjoy her very much. On top of everything i struggled with Breast feeding and ended up going to formula, which guilt still creeps in to this day. Needless to say, it was a rough beginning for our household.

Yet even through those crazy days, i loved her more than anything. Sure, i had to put her down a couple of times crying just to breathe for a minute during the colic fits, but sure enough, I was animal-like protective and concerened and looked up everything i could about colic and ways to help her feel better.

Three months seemed to be the magic age for Audrey. With the help of a product called "Colic ease (thank you Deana)" she was a completely different baby. Audrey smiled and cooed and she made us soar. Today it just gets better and better. If you would'v easked me at 5 weeks "would you do it again" i'd say yes, but that would be me lying out my teeth to sound like a decent person. but ask me now, and i know i'd do it a MILLION times over to have her. What i didn't realize, was that the newborn stage..is HARD.>>REAL hard with a colicky baby. And hormones are a BIAATCHH (excuse my france).

These days I wake up and cant' wait to see her. 5:30 am is early, but once i pick the crust out of my eyeballs and pick her up , she is warm and cuddly and wonderful, I am up and loving it. Being a mom has made me see a whole other side of life. I'm so elated we had her. Life is more fufilling. Sure its' still hard sometimes and i'm sure will get harder in different areas, but she is the highlight of my entire day every day. Am I still jealous of Aaron having a baby free day off every week and can sleep?...hell yes. ahhahah he gives me 2-3 hour naps on Sundays that he doesn't work until evening, so that defenitely helps me recharge, and he knows if he didn't I'd get back at him somehow. ha ha ha MWA HA HAAA.

So, in closing, life is good, life is real good and i can't wait until spring to get outside!!!